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Rolling love.
Thursday, March 25, 2010 || 11:38 AM
It's not the way I wanted, I should have know it long ago.
The clock said 11.10am right now. And yes, I almost slept before 10pm and woke up before 9am everyday. My holidays spent like that, hilarious? I didin't want you to know that from where I was standing it all seemed on the point of unraveling. I guessed I could shape eveything now. You never cease to dissapointed me, do you? My mindset kept on endowed with valnerable feelings. I can't sleep when the moment I'm awake, cause I kept on thinking of you. Then I'll temporary move my concentration to story books to make my mind stop thinking about this matter. By doing this, I could make myself exhausted and then go to bed again. It seems to be my daily routine activities already. It was something I wanted to keep buried, I know I must handle it with tact. I don't know when will I regain my own sanity. I know old habits die hard, but depression came like a weight. It always happened like this, the joy of freedom sourced by the price to be paid. Yeah, it has ended. It's suffocating me. It took an awful lots of courage for me to make up my mind. Perhaps I should conduct or train myself with dignity. Yeah, I should. I know action speaks louder than words, but I'll try, by all means.
I didint get all of it, but I believe time can proves everything.
-
My mom wants a divorce. She's asked me for opinion yesterday night. She told me how she felt about dad for about half an hour. She won't rant anything to my er jie cause she'll just throw her temper when mom nag's at her. I didin't speak out anything. It's not that I'm ignoring her, I just don't wanna make matter worst by giving unnecessary comments. Adult's world could be more complicated than I thought. I don't know what they want, so I'd better keep my mouth sealed and let them settle theirselves. It hurt's me when mom said dad didin't call her at all, and when mom took the initiative to call dad first, dad would always say; 'I'm driving, call you back later.' 'I'm eating, call you back later'. Or, 'I'm busy right now, call you back later.' And after tht dad would never call back. It hurt's me when mom told me that dad phone's wallpaper is other women instead of her's. It hurt's me when mom asked me this; 'Who to follow? Me or your dad after we divoce?' It stayed like this for many year's already. I don't know what they want, I really don't know. My parents can't give me the things that I want. I want a happy family, is that so difficult? I want dad to go home daily, I don't want mom to work everyday. I envy those families that always had their family outing on every Sunday. I don't feel a single happiness in this family. Who to follow? I wanna live by my own.
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Things to be done during this 3 weeks holiday;
1. 10 assignments.
2. Planned my presentation before school re-open.
3. Worked on every weekend to hit the NEA quota.
4. Helped uncle and auntie to work @ Bugis-Street whenever I'm free.
And I've not done anything yet.
You see, how stress can I be? I've got no time to waste, gonna meet up with Xiu li in the evening to do our assignments later on. I've got enough reason not to go out, cause my lips was like swollen for the past 3 days already. But no choice, for the sake of my result, I must buck-up. And
NO MORE WASTING TIME on those stuffs that I shouln't, right? Self-reminder only. Forcing myself to let you go and tell myself that ''it's really okay'' can be a difficult task to do, I may go insane anytime. What's not mine, will not be mine. Let it go man.
Oh, you know what. I'm in love with Raisin Cookies nowadays. Yummy!~ Hehehehe. <:
Just watched Temptation of Wife, ep.129 2/4 from youtube. It made me cried when I watched untill 2.08 onwards. Cry untill very jialut that kind one. -.- I don't watch Korea drama, this is the first one.
Go catch it guys; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nddrz2HBlSM&NR=1
It's awesome, trust me.
Bye.
