November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010





Er jie: Of course got lah. -.- You haven't met only mah.
Me: I know lah, you want say your boyfriend right? LOL LOL, no need so hao lian. I'll see how long you and him will last then. =p
Er jie: Crazy arh you. Then you leh, forget him already meh.
Me: Me? Of course lah. After few months jiu forget already. (= You think what? I got people want de okay. (Zzzz, sigh.)

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Up till now, my mom still don't know I've gone to clubbing with da jie that day. Then yesterday when I'm lying on mom's bed, I just closed my eyes to rest. Mom's lying beside the bed and watching television. And that's when my er jie came in the room and took the digital camera with her, and she let mom see the pictures that she took with her friend. (Cause she went out with her friend on that particular day then took the digital camera out to take pictures.) Then I FORGOTTEN INSIDE GOT ME AND MY CLASSMATE'S SHEESHA PICTURE'S that I took 1 week ago!!

It goes like this....
Mom: Eh, whats that long long thing? Why got smoke one har? Woah, you smoke arh?!?! (She smacked my butt.)
Me: Pretend sleeping. (Thinking: Omg, die liao lor.)
Er jie: No lah, she told me before this one is water vapour lai de, got fruit flavour also.
Me: (Thinking: LOL, lucky that time I anyhow tell her. She save me man.)
Mom: Shi meh? How she know all this Ah Beng and Ah Lian de huh? Eh.. got this kind de thing de meh? Then where is this place? Looked like a house eh.
Er jie: Don't know, tomorrow you ask her lah.
Mom: Tomorrow remember ask me to ask her arh. (Still looking at my sheesha picture's.)
Me: Still pretend sleeping. (But I opened my eyes slowly to see which picture's she looking at. >,<)

Lol, and she FORGOTTEN to ask me the next day! Hehehehe. Those pictures at Zirca she didin't saw it too, cause er jie snatched the digital camera away from her in time. >,< The next day I delete those picture's that I took from Zirca. To be safe, I'd better delete. Cause I can imagined how mom would react if she know I deluded her. Will she chase me out of the house? LOL, possible wor.

OH AND, THIS IS FOR YOU.
YES, I'M SINGLE. SO WHAT?? BUT I THINK ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. FYI, I DON'T NEED YOUR SYMPATHY. WHO SAY NO BOYFRIEND I CANNOT SURVIVE? I CAN STILL LIVE MY LIFE HAPPILY IF I WANT OKAY! MY OWN LIFE, I CONTROL. I'M JUST WHINING IN MY PREVIOUS POST, THAT'S MY OWN WAY OF MAKING MY MOOD FEELS BETTER. DON'T INTERFERE OKAY. I DIDIN'T SAY THAT; 'OH, I'M GOING TO DIE WITHOUT HIM.' DID I? EVERYTIME AFTER POSTING THOSE NEGATIVE STUFFS IN MY POST, I'LL DELETE IT FEW HOURS LATER OR FEW DAYS LATER WHEN I'M FEELING BETTER. AND I CAN'T ENDURE WITH YOUR STUPIDITY ANYMORE. I DON'T LIKE TO ENTERTAINED PEOPLE ONE OKAY. SEE THIS? I DON'T LIKE. YOU DRIVED ME INSANE. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH OKAY, I HAVE MY OWN LIMIT. I'M NOT GONNA GET A NEW BOYFRIEND NOW UNTILL I GET RID HIM OUTTA MY MIND. GET IT? SO LEAVE ME ALONE, THANK YOU.

Changing my number soon for goodness sake.



Just For Laughs;
Yesterday NEA scheduled me to Queens Street, PA Staff Club. It's at Bugis. I reached at 8.30am, but I couldn't find the place. Felt so pissed off at that moment, and I can't text anybody cause everyone's sleeping at that time. You know what, I've been walking around the whole Bugis area over 10 times but I can't find that bloody taxi-stand. They said the taxi-stand is between Oxford Hotel and Waterloo centre. I did saw one taxi-stand infront of Oxford Hotel, but the building behind don't have any words. I past by that taxi-stand don't know how many times already. After that then I know that's the taxi-stand they're talking about. -.- Wth, why don't they put the word 'PA Staff Club' there?!?! My punishment for being stupid; perspired alot for nothing. -.-

Awwww. Mom said I've become skinny and uglier, LOL. But I think I still look the same, cause I don't skipped my meals. I don't have much appetite, but I still eat a little okay. Where got skinny, anyhow. And you know, I feel like dye-ing my hair and cut my hair to no layer that kind one. Maybe that'll make my hair look thicker? But later people say I looked toot how. LOL. Still hesitating. Hmmm.... >,< After this wednesday, I've got no free time already. Got plenty stuffs to do and I won't be able to blog often. Who wan't meet out then faster okay? LOL.

I've think it through, and I think it's time for me to stopped my wilfulness.
I don't think every moment last forever.
Thanks for advising me and stuffs, you guys rocks!! <3



Second post for today. Very fucked up now, VERY. Why do I have to kept on repeating and repeating this. Tell me how could I erased those memories in my mind and survive when I don't have the ability to do so? Tell me whats the point striving so hard when theres no one supporting me in my life? Tell me who can I go to when I go insane and break down? And tell me, do you know how I felt when I know you're avoiding me? My heart feels so weird, extremely weird. Like it's telling me to.... give up.




No one in this family wants me to study. Whats the point striving so hard? Might as well quit school. Everyone in this family wants me to work. It really irritates me when I'm doing my assignments, someone text me and asked me to do NEA project for them. Told them before I'm stress enough already but they didin't spend a single thought for me. Is working those useless jobs that important? That's not I want. Every single member in this family dosen't strive hard in their early days, and thats why I've got this stressful life now. I'm the youngest in this family, and I'm the one studying and working at the same time. I didin't blame, I worked as well. I just don't like people come disturb me when I'm doing my assignments.

NEA crew is such a nuisance. The floor really no litter what. What you want me to write? Later anyhow write then you guys nag again. Sometime the location they gave me is a hotel, got cleaner come clean the area. Then you expect there will be whole bunch of litter there? What shit you want me to write? Singapore is a non-littering place, NEA should know it best. Wth, I have enough already.

My family problems, my job, my relationships, my schoolworks, all don't seems to be going smoothly.
What did I do in my previous life and have to encounter all those shit's in my life now?
Tell me, am I not hardworking enough?
FML. x100.

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I'm chating with Huimin in MSN right now, and she's the only one that can make me happy and smile. <3




I didint get all of it, but I believe time can proves everything.

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My mom wants a divorce. She's asked me for opinion yesterday night. She told me how she felt about dad for about half an hour. She won't rant anything to my er jie cause she'll just throw her temper when mom nag's at her. I didin't speak out anything. It's not that I'm ignoring her, I just don't wanna make matter worst by giving unnecessary comments. Adult's world could be more complicated than I thought. I don't know what they want, so I'd better keep my mouth sealed and let them settle theirselves. It hurt's me when mom said dad didin't call her at all, and when mom took the initiative to call dad first, dad would always say; 'I'm driving, call you back later.' 'I'm eating, call you back later'. Or, 'I'm busy right now, call you back later.' And after tht dad would never call back. It hurt's me when mom told me that dad phone's wallpaper is other women instead of her's. It hurt's me when mom asked me this; 'Who to follow? Me or your dad after we divoce?' It stayed like this for many year's already. I don't know what they want, I really don't know. My parents can't give me the things that I want. I want a happy family, is that so difficult? I want dad to go home daily, I don't want mom to work everyday. I envy those families that always had their family outing on every Sunday. I don't feel a single happiness in this family. Who to follow? I wanna live by my own.

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Things to be done during this 3 weeks holiday;

1. 10 assignments.
2. Planned my presentation before school re-open.
3. Worked on every weekend to hit the NEA quota.
4. Helped uncle and auntie to work @ Bugis-Street whenever I'm free.

And I've not done anything yet.

You see, how stress can I be? I've got no time to waste, gonna meet up with Xiu li in the evening to do our assignments later on. I've got enough reason not to go out, cause my lips was like swollen for the past 3 days already. But no choice, for the sake of my result, I must buck-up. And NO MORE WASTING TIME on those stuffs that I shouln't, right? Self-reminder only. Forcing myself to let you go and tell myself that ''it's really okay'' can be a difficult task to do, I may go insane anytime. What's not mine, will not be mine. Let it go man.

Oh, you know what. I'm in love with Raisin Cookies nowadays. Yummy!~ Hehehehe. <:

Just watched Temptation of Wife, ep.129 2/4 from youtube. It made me cried when I watched untill 2.08 onwards. Cry untill very jialut that kind one. -.- I don't watch Korea drama, this is the first one.

Go catch it guys; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nddrz2HBlSM&NR=1
It's awesome, trust me.

Bye.



- This post is gonna be flooded by lot's of pictures and words.

When I'm sad, I eat.
When I'm stress, I cut.
When I'm happy, I laugh.
When I'm troubled, out alone.
When I'm angry, I won't show it out, but I cry.
 
And I don't know why this few days I became very quiet. Be it in school or outside, I've got no mood to do anything. When family, friends or classmates joke something about me, I will just stare at them. Comment on me was; ''Woah, Lynn very fierce.'' Meet me out and you'll know okay. I have no interest in anything already. I skipped lessons often, I do my assignments last minute, I nagged by lecturers, I didin't hang out with friends often like last time. I've got no targets, no hope, no dreams. No interest in EVERYTHING. You know I could just cry for nothing. I can cry in just 3 seconds, for nothing. Am I weird enough? There isin't any logical reasons for my dark feelings. No one seems to care, I could feel that I'm a burden to everyone. I just wanna be alone for now. I don't show my sadness on my face whenever I go, not even my close friends. But I cry, I blame, I hate, I'm terrified of everything. I cry to lessen my heartaches, I blame myself for being stupid, I hate people around me for nothing, I terrified for you. I felt that I have a difficult role to play in life. I had lots of weird dreams about you and me for the past few weeks. I tried to think throught it carefully, but an image kept getting in the way. In the real world, and attached you to my Dream vision. The imagination needs something to build on. Everything fades in time, posibilities can be scary at times. I need a calm day to sort out my thinking. God, please stop this for me. It's miserable. I want nothing but happiness. Why is it so difficult? Just grant me, please?

But I'll try to be happy aye? <:

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